Dear X

Dear X (You don't own me) by Disciple came on the House FM this morning as I was blow drying my hair. This song reached out to me and grabbed my heart. It talks about not letting a feeling or emotion take over your heart. My favorite part is "Go ahead/You're never gonna take me/ You can bend/ But you're never gonna break me/ I was yours/ I'm not yours anymore/ Oh, you don't own me!! What freedom.

Many of you know that for years I have struggled with depression. Some of this being from my past, some being genetic. I tend to beat myself up constantly. Last night was one of those nights. We went to find clothes to wear for family pictures this week and I could not find ANYTHING to fit. Andrew even had to tell me that a pair of jeans I tried on were too tight. My heart was broken. Some parts of me are too small, most are just too big. I was beating myself up all night long. I had a small melt down on the drive home. I called my mom and she talked to me. She is taking me out shopping tomorrow and everything will be ok. But this morning I couldn't help but let this song sink into my heart.... Dear Depression... YOU DON'T OWN ME!! I might struggle with this... it might cause me to bend... but it will not cause me to break. I am a child of God. He choose me, and he would not choose anything less than worthy. Besides that Ephesians 2:10 tells me that I am God's masterpiece. He has created me anew in Christ Jesus, so I can do the good things he planned for me long ago. Yes I changed the verse to make it  personal but I was told once that that is ok. And it is ok to read it just like that... Sit back and think about that... You are God's MASTERPIECE!! He created you NEW in Christ, this means your past is GONE!! He created YOU to do great things!! And on top of that He has planned those good things out. I don't know about you but as a closet (ok not so closet) planner... I find this so reassuring.

So all that to say several things...

• God can speak to you in the midst of noise (blow dryer)
• God created You & Me to do great things that He has planned
• When we don't stop and listen to God in the quiet... He will get our attention among the noise.
• Depression does not define who I am. Christ does... and He says that I am a Child of the Living God and he loves me regardless of how I cook, what I weigh, how clean my house is... the list could go on and on.

Here are the lyrics to the song. Read them... where it says Pain or Hate put that emotion in that you struggle with. Sing the chorus declaring that you will NOT let it take over you!! You will not break!


Dear pain, oh, it's been a long time

Remember when you were holding me tight
I would stay awake with you all night
Dear shame, I was safe in your arms
You were there when it all fell apart
I would get so lost in your beautiful lies
I let you go
But you're still chasing

Go ahead
You're never gonna take me
You can bend
But you're never gonna break me
I was yours
I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Dear hate, I know you're not far
You would wait at the door of my heart
I was amazed at the passion in your cries
Dear anger, you made me so high
You were faithful to show up on time
Such a flame that was burning in your eyes
I let you go
But you're still chasing

Go ahead
You're never gonna take me
You can bend
But you're never gonna break me
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Go ahead
Put a target on my forehead
You can fire
But you've got no bullet
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

You tempted me to look back
But everything that we had together was a lie

Go ahead
You're never gonna take me
You can bend
But you're never gonna break me
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Go ahead
Put a target on my forehead
You can fire
But you've got no bullet
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Go ahead
Put a target on my forehead
You can fire
But you've got no bullet
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me